Me, now and then

    One day my daughter broke into tears and cried aloud just because I asked her to tidy her room, the thing that I always ask her to do. A simple task that she often forgets to do it. I thought I was talking in a normal way, but I was wondering why she responded in an unusual way. Crying! She even said that she was a useless person, a daughter that failed her parents and had no hope. The most shocking thing that she mentioned if she'd better go for good. "GO"? I questioned her in my confusion. "What does it mean?" I said. The next sentence was something that I had never expected and thought before, but I didn't want to talk about, either in here. It was like a big punch right on my face, and a knife-stab to my heart. I was holding back my tears trying to talk to her really carefully... It didn't take long when I, eventually, successfully, calmed her down. 

    The next moment was just a heart-to-heart talk between a mother and a daughter. She told me that she had some teenage-problem things with friends, she found difficulties at school, and she thought she was bullied by one of her friends in the neighbourhood, and during her difficult times, she asked Google for help! (This was another big punch on me. The huge one, I guess). Shortly, the rest of the time was a feeling of going back to my position, a mother listening to a daughter talking about her spending time with friends and school things. Happy ending.

    What is the highlight of the story? I've been too busy! Really busy these days, these past year, that was more than enough to make her feel my ignorance, thus it led to a feeling of losing my attention and a mother-affection. Why? Have I been that busy?

    The answer is my reflection. Looking back at the past year, especially the past months that I've been through... yes, I've been crazily busy, and yes, I wasn't smart enough dealing with my time-management. This might be my biggest problem that I'm trying hard to work on it to make it back to normal. Have I succeeded it yet? Almost, I think. And I said to myself confidently, things are getting better. I've passed the critical time of my life journey these past months. The adjustment period.

    What happen? Well, I'm working at a school, that lately changed its status to the real international one. Everything has changed, including my job. I used to work as a part-timer, with just few responsibilities. I spent a few hours to do my part then I went home peacefully. I didn't think of doing something for my self-development, except in the area that I was in. I really lived my life in a comfort zone! The only challenge I took was doing thing to improve my English teaching. My part, my responsibility. Kind of boring if I'm talking right now. Oh well....

    The work-shifting at school affected my life. There have been many things to take care of. A number of new responsibilities that forced me to work harder. I like challenges and I thought I was on the right track, not a "boring" life. I was quite excited for the new kind of job and responsibilities in my workplace. Realizing it or not, it takes up a lot of my time. However, with the help of a school consultant, Ibu Capri Anjaya, the time was indeed well-spent. It's been worth to take. I've learnt a lot during my adjustment period of my new job and responsibility, from doing the real school-work, being a good leader, learning to communicate well with others, a self-development through mentoring and some encouragement I took from Ibu Capri.

    Back to the first story, if you know me, you might be questioning why I could easily calmed my daughter, and it ended peacefully. I guess the answer is that I'm growing up. I develop my life skills, my anger-management and my communication skill. May be I become wiser? Well...  I hope so! The incident with my daughter became a turning point for me to organize my life, especially managing my time to be balanced, for my daughter - my family, my work, friends and of course for myself. So far, I manage to deal with it. I passed! But..... Is it worth enough? 

    Well.... Everything has two sides, like a coin. So does our life. The good things always bring along the bad ones. I learn a lot every day in my life. The most important thing I've got is staying with the good things, keep working to make the dreadful things turn to be great. The upcoming days may not be as easy as yesterday's but I keep on believing when you do all things with a heart, you can be able to do it well, even better! But with no more things to sacrifice. 

October 30, 2021.