Me, now and then

    One day my daughter broke into tears and cried aloud just because I asked her to tidy her room, the thing that I always ask her to do. A simple task that she often forgets to do it. I thought I was talking in a normal way, but I was wondering why she responded in an unusual way. Crying! She even said that she was a useless person, a daughter that failed her parents and had no hope. The most shocking thing that she mentioned if she'd better go for good. "GO"? I questioned her in my confusion. "What does it mean?" I said. The next sentence was something that I had never expected and thought before, but I didn't want to talk about, either in here. It was like a big punch right on my face, and a knife-stab to my heart. I was holding back my tears trying to talk to her really carefully... It didn't take long when I, eventually, successfully, calmed her down. 

    The next moment was just a heart-to-heart talk between a mother and a daughter. She told me that she had some teenage-problem things with friends, she found difficulties at school, and she thought she was bullied by one of her friends in the neighbourhood, and during her difficult times, she asked Google for help! (This was another big punch on me. The huge one, I guess). Shortly, the rest of the time was a feeling of going back to my position, a mother listening to a daughter talking about her spending time with friends and school things. Happy ending.

    What is the highlight of the story? I've been too busy! Really busy these days, these past year, that was more than enough to make her feel my ignorance, thus it led to a feeling of losing my attention and a mother-affection. Why? Have I been that busy?

    The answer is my reflection. Looking back at the past year, especially the past months that I've been through... yes, I've been crazily busy, and yes, I wasn't smart enough dealing with my time-management. This might be my biggest problem that I'm trying hard to work on it to make it back to normal. Have I succeeded it yet? Almost, I think. And I said to myself confidently, things are getting better. I've passed the critical time of my life journey these past months. The adjustment period.

    What happen? Well, I'm working at a school, that lately changed its status to the real international one. Everything has changed, including my job. I used to work as a part-timer, with just few responsibilities. I spent a few hours to do my part then I went home peacefully. I didn't think of doing something for my self-development, except in the area that I was in. I really lived my life in a comfort zone! The only challenge I took was doing thing to improve my English teaching. My part, my responsibility. Kind of boring if I'm talking right now. Oh well....

    The work-shifting at school affected my life. There have been many things to take care of. A number of new responsibilities that forced me to work harder. I like challenges and I thought I was on the right track, not a "boring" life. I was quite excited for the new kind of job and responsibilities in my workplace. Realizing it or not, it takes up a lot of my time. However, with the help of a school consultant, Ibu Capri Anjaya, the time was indeed well-spent. It's been worth to take. I've learnt a lot during my adjustment period of my new job and responsibility, from doing the real school-work, being a good leader, learning to communicate well with others, a self-development through mentoring and some encouragement I took from Ibu Capri.

    Back to the first story, if you know me, you might be questioning why I could easily calmed my daughter, and it ended peacefully. I guess the answer is that I'm growing up. I develop my life skills, my anger-management and my communication skill. May be I become wiser? Well...  I hope so! The incident with my daughter became a turning point for me to organize my life, especially managing my time to be balanced, for my daughter - my family, my work, friends and of course for myself. So far, I manage to deal with it. I passed! But..... Is it worth enough? 

    Well.... Everything has two sides, like a coin. So does our life. The good things always bring along the bad ones. I learn a lot every day in my life. The most important thing I've got is staying with the good things, keep working to make the dreadful things turn to be great. The upcoming days may not be as easy as yesterday's but I keep on believing when you do all things with a heart, you can be able to do it well, even better! But with no more things to sacrifice. 

October 30, 2021.

  

Mudik!

    Setiap menjelang hari raya Idul Fitri, aku selalu teringat mudik takterlupakan yang pernah aku alami. Aku memang tidak merayakan Idul Fitri, tetapi tradisi mudik selalu jadi waktu yang aku tunggu-tunggu. Maklum kerja kantoran, yang dinanti-nantikan selalu liburnya, dan mudiknya selain tentu saja gajiannya. Saat itu aku kerja di rantau, di ibukota. Jauh dari keluarga, nge-kost pula. Padahal kalau mudik ke kota kelahiranku, Kudus, ya ga ngapa-ngapain, selain makan, tidur, cerita ini itu ke mamah - repeat sampai balik lagi ke Jakarta!

    Menjelang hari Raya Idul Fitri tahun 1998, saat itu jauh-jauh hari biasanya Pak Parmin, demikian kurir kantorku dipanggil, sudah menawarkan jasanya untuk antri tiket kereta api. Yah, tradisinya tiap event mudik, semua teman kantor perantauan memesan tiket kereta ke Pak Parmin, lalu Pak Parmin-lah yang antri di stasiun Gambir, dari subuh. Dia dan seluruh anggota keluarganya, maklum titipan tiket bisa sampai 10, tapi minimal pemesan tiket hanya dibatasi 2 tiket saja. Waktu itu belum ada pemesanan online. Aku galau. Di Kudus tidak ada stasiun kereta, kalau naik kereta memang nyaman, dingin, relatif lebih aman dan cepat sampai, tapi hanya sampai stasiun Tawang, Semarang. Lalu, ke Kudusnya naik apa. Terbayang bus Semarang-Kudus, jangankan saat menjelang lebaran, hari biasapun berjubel dan penuh perjuangan untuk bisa dapat tempat duduk yang nyaman. Alternatif kedua, bus malam Jakarta-Kudus. Biasanya aku naik bus, kalau tidak ada tebengan dari stasiun Tawang ke Kudus. Tapi tahun ini di high season seperti ini, bus malam tidak melayani pesanan tiket by phone. Calon penumpang harus datang ke agen busnya. Entah kenapa tahun ini aku jadi tidak berniat naik bus. 

    Alternatif jitu. Last but not least. Adikku! iya, sebetulnya adikku bekerja di Jakarta juga, tapi dia dan pacarnya belum ada rencana mudik. Ssst.. jangan tanya mana pacarku, yah waktu itu aku masih bersikukuh untuk fokus berkarir. Alasan klise. Ok, kita balik ke mudik. Akhirnya dengan rayuan maut, aku berhasil membujuk adikku sekaligus sang pacar untuk mengantar kami, mudik! Naik? mobil Katana super imutnya. Deal. Akhirnya kami sepakat. Aku yang bayar bensin dan makan sepanjang perjalanan. Yang penting acara mudik kali ini, beres.

    Tiba waktu yang disepakati, kurang lebih pukul 5 sore sepulang kerja, kami berangkat. Alamak, belum nyampai pintu tol Cikampek, kami sudah berada di jalan selama hampir 5 jam. Di depan kami, mobil baris berbaris dengan berbagai ukuran dan barang bawaan diatas kap mobil. Oiya, aku duduk nyempil di jok belakang, menghadap samping seperti duduk dalam mobil angkot orange, bersama koper, oleh-oleh, dus-dus, buku, jaket, makanan, entah apa lagi. Kaki panjangku harus ditekuk, badan sudah miring kesana sini, noleh depan kanan kiri. Sudah mulai penat, tapi belum keluar Jakarta! Sudahlah, yang penting mudik! Setel lagu favorit, kami mulai menyanyi. Semangat sekali.

    Waktu berlalu, jalanan rame minta ampun. Bukan rame karnaval, tapi kendaraan lalu lalang - di jalur sebelah kanan. Di jalur kami? Bukan. Jalur kami mandeg. Si Ando, pacar adikku (sebut saja begitu), mulai hilang kesabaran. Aku mulai hilang kepenatan, alias sudah bukan penat lagi, tapi sudah hilang rasa. Tingkat kesemutan level tinggi. Mau bagaimana lagi? Yang penting mudik bukan? Akhirnya, Ando memutuskan lewat jalan tikus. 

    Keputusan yang entah benar atau salah, tapi beberapa saat setelah mobil lancar berjalan, pemandangan depan terlihat tak asing bagi kami. Barisan mobil, kali ini lebih banyak motornya. Pemudik dengan motor. Sungguh sangat luar biasa semangatnya. Aku yang duduk di posisi tak bergerak, ternyata masih lebih nyaman dibanding mereka yang duduk di motor, dengan ransel besar, tempat minum dan tas-tas dicantel di stang motor. Belum lagi dengan pembonceng di jok belakang. Luar biasa.

    Sudah hampir subuh. Kami melihat sinar matahari mulai mengusir kegelapan malam. Pemandangan begitu indahnya, langit kemerahan tersapu polesan awan putih kekuningan. Indahnya. Tapi tidak demikian dengan pemandangan di bawah kolong langit ini, di depan mobil kami. Kami masih berjuang. Si Ando berjuang mencari peluang jalan yang bisa dilewatin, adikku berjuang memberi semangat buat dia supaya tetap melek, aku berjuang tidur melupakan hilang rasa hampir disekujur tubuh.

    Total 19 jam, akhirnya gerbang kota Kudus nampak nun jauh disana didepan kami. Langsung, wajah penat berubah menjadi segar. Seperti mendapat setetes air saat terik matahari. Yah.. memang matahari sekarang sudah diatas kepala. Sudah jam 12 lewat. Plastik kresek bekal makanan sudah lama dibuang ke sampah saat kami berhenti ke toilet 2 jam sebelumnya.

    Anehnya, begitu memasuki jalanan menuju rumah, dan kaki menapak halaman rumah Kudus, badan terasa segar kembali. Normalnya, dengan perjalanan se-lama itu dan posisi badan yang sangat menyiksa, kami benar-benar butuh istirahat panjang, tapi ini malah seperti mendapat energi baru. Segar. Apalagi setelah menyantap sepiring nasi pindang khas Kudus, diiringi cerita ini itu dari Mamah tercinta. Tak butuh terapi atau tukang pijat. Pada akhirnya, the spirit of mudik memang luar biasa.